Letting Go to Move Forward

At the end of this month, my husband and I will take our oldest son to his gap year program before he attends college in Fall 2026. My husband is already concerned with how I will take not having him home with us everyday. Honestly, I am too. My son and I are very connected, and although I don't like to admit it, I might need him in my life right now more than he needs me. He gives me purpose and joy in equal measure. I know "launching" him will leave a gap (pun intended) in my life that I will need to fill. As I think about the months ahead and what will be my new normal, I have to let go to move forward. 

This theme of letting go comes up with our clients over and over, too. Most recently a client shared that they received feedback from their boss, and it was hurtful. The way he delivered the feedback in writing in their document was harsh and lacked empathy. The day before he had been singing her praises, and today he was belittling them through this written feedback. I immediately thought about Tara Mohr's take on feedback in her amazing book Playing Big. She has 5 principles which I'll share below, but it's the first one that I shared with my client. It is: "Feedback Doesn't Tell You About You; It Tells You About the Person Giving Feedback." She writes, "Feedback gives us facts about the opinions and preferences of those giving feedback. It can't tell you about your merit or worthiness."

I shared this basic idea with my client. I asked them, "What if you considered the feedback from that perspective? What is your boss afraid of and therefore, why did he write the feedback in that way?" A weight lifted from my client's shoulders. They no longer felt belittled. They understood that the feedback wasn't about them. It was about their boss's fear. His outsized reaction to the slight oversight in the document was based in his fear. My client was able to let go of the shame they felt from the feedback.

As we consider how to let go to move forward, I offer below Tara Mohr's Five Principles for Unhooking from Praise and Criticism:
⭐ Principle 1: Feedback Doesn't Tell You About You; It Tells You About the Person Giving Feedback.
⭐ Principle 2: Incorporate Feedback That's Strategically Useful, and Let the Rest Go
⭐ Principle 3: Women Who Play Big Get Criticized. Period.
⭐ Principle 4: Criticism Hurts When It Mirrors What We Believe about Ourselves
⭐ Principle 5: Ask, What's More Important to Me Than Praise?

The next time you receive feedback or are at a crossroads at work or in life, consider these principles. Take what's helpful, let go of the rest, and move forward as best serves you.

In partnership,

Jodi (and Christina)

P.S. For women especially, if you haven't read Playing Big by Tara Mohr, please do.